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Totally Inappropriate Jokes...


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#46 Es Brennt

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Posted 18 September 2008 - 09:47 AM

Gary Glitter at the Duty Free shop

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www.theredcardna.org

#47 tzimaki

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Posted 18 September 2008 - 10:22 AM

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street. A schoolbus stops and an 8 year old boy gets out. The Catholic priest says to the Rabbi, "boy I'd like the screw him." The Rabbi then asks...."out of what?"

#48 Melbourne Lad

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Posted 19 September 2008 - 12:27 AM

A man is delivering his baby after his wife unexpectedly goes into labour at home....

"Push honey, push!!"

His wife screams as the baby crowns and she finally squeezes it out into the arms of the husband. He promptly cuts the umbillical cord with his pocket knife and kicks the baby against the wall...then picks it up and repeats the process, firmly drop punting the infant against the wall..

"What are you doing to my baby you crazy fuck?!!" screams his poor wife, shocked beyond belief.

The husband picks up the baby and hands it to her.

"April Fool's Day!" he remarks cheerfully "It was already dead!"

#49 joey

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Posted 19 September 2008 - 05:31 PM

Q: What did Helen Keller's DAD do when she misbehaved?

A: Stomp on her braille books with golf shoes.


Q: What did Helen Keller's MOM do when she misbehaved?

A: Left the plunger in the toilet.


Q: What did Helen Keller's PARENTS do when she misbehaved?

A: Rearrange her room.

And I know I'm not going to hell. :)

EDIT
If you want a real laugh with totally inappropriate racist jokes, check out Russell Peters. I saw his show at the Horseshoe Casino this past Saturday and it was DA BOMB!
http://video.google....2...vt=lf&hl=en

There should be more. For a Toronto native, he's pretty damn good.



If Helen Keller were psychic, would you say she had a FOURTH SENSE??

Seriously folks all kidding aside....

This guy goes to visit the doctor. Of course he has to wait in the waiting room. Anyhoo, he sees no magazines that interest him but notices a big bowl of juicy tomatoes on the table. So he helps himself and cannot believe how ripe and delicious these tomatoes are! The time flies by and eventually it's his turn to see the doc.

The doc enters the room and says "Hello sir, how are you?"

The man replies "Great! I was just enjoying some tomatoes in your waiting room."

The doc says "Tomatoes? Those aren't Tomatoes! Those are last week's ABORTIONS!"

"If you are first you are first. If you are second you are nothing."

"I don't approve of your methods."
"Yeah, well... you're not from Chicago."

http://peterlowry.ytmnd.com/



#50 ImSeeinRed

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Posted 19 September 2008 - 06:38 PM

What would Helen Keller be doing if she were alive today?




















Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

#51 tzimaki

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Posted 20 September 2008 - 12:02 AM

This guy goes to visit the doctor. Of course he has to wait in the waiting room. Anyhoo, he sees no magazines that interest him but notices a big bowl of juicy tomatoes on the table. So he helps himself and cannot believe how ripe and delicious these tomatoes are! The time flies by and eventually it's his turn to see the doc.

The doc enters the room and says "Hello sir, how are you?"

The man replies "Great! I was just enjoying some tomatoes in your waiting room."

The doc says "Tomatoes? Those aren't Tomatoes! Those are last week's ABORTIONS!"


Nice! I've heard this same joke but instead of a hospital, it was a whorehouse.


What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?


A brunette with bad breath.

#52 khaugen

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Posted 22 September 2008 - 10:07 PM

I was surprised to hear this joke from one of the customer service girls at work.

A family meets Michael Jackson at the beach. What do they say to him?






















Get out of my Son.

*Probably funnier if you heard it and didn't read it because of the play on words.
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#53 giaco

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Posted 15 October 2008 - 09:23 AM

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with
Her for £500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he
Did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a
cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On th e way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the
whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a
cheque for £250 and enclose the following typed note:

'Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for £250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending
the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the
Impression that:

1 - it had never been occupied;
2 - there was plenty of heat; and
3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.'

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for £250
with the following note:

'Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you
don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
Landlady.

#54 KineticSolution

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Posted 15 October 2008 - 04:08 PM

I don't have any offensive jokes, but I have an offensive website: http://www.electricretard.com

#55 giaco

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Posted 16 October 2008 - 02:31 PM

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#56 giaco

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Posted 16 October 2008 - 02:34 PM

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#57 BenBurton

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 06:27 PM

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only Some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.




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