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#1 Gen'Buck'Turgidson

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 01:26 AM

Dear 'El Mon',
I had serious gas on the plane ride home.

I sat next to Sigi Schmid's kindly papa on one side, and Manwich's new friend Jules on the other, so I held it in for the whole flight.
When I got to the terminal, I farted one continuous 120 second straight fart.

Did I do any permanent damage to my guts? I'm really scared, El Mon. What should I do?

Signed,
'Fartless in Seattle'
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----------------------
The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which "unskilled people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it." The unskilled therefore suffer from illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average.

#2 CALEXICO

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 01:32 AM

I can't speak for EL MON. . .

But I believe that technically it was illegal for you to fly under those conditions, since you would qualify as a sort of unregistered "canister of compressed gasses".

#3 gala_usa

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 09:53 AM

Dear El Mon,

I was having a hard time sleeping last night. The fact is that the date of December 12th, 2012 has been haunting my dreams, turning them into nightmare of post-apocalyptic visions and naked mayans threatening to scalp me and shear my balls off with rusty blades while Mel Gibson films it...

Should I be worried?

Sincerely,
"Quick to turn to Jesus!"
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USMNT (One day, one day...)
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It doesn't matter how simplistic you make your point, there will be someone who misunderstands you.

#4 prrnrngr

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 12:23 PM

Dear El Mon,

Last night I indulged in a weekday beer and chicken enchiladas. The enchiladas were very good and the beer was cheap. My question is, I am now suffering from bad gas. These are not regular farts though, they seem to get stuck against my ass in some sort of fart bubble. I try to pop this fart bubble but it doesn't seem to be working and I am wondering if my coworkers can see this growing fart bubble. I'm at a loss as to what to do with this problem. WWEMD?

#5 Foose

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 12:29 PM

Dear El Mon,

On a recent vacation of mine I spent the night with an individual of whom it was unexpected that I encountered and frolicked in her bed. So after a long heated night of sweat and beer, I woke up the next day with a hazy memory. It has been two days now and it hurts every time I pee. What is wrong with me? Can you help me?

#6 The Manwich

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 12:39 PM

Dear El Mon...

El Mon > Jesus?

Please help...

#7 c-los from the dime

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 02:47 PM

why isn't El Mon answering!

Please El Mon just give us a sign! There are many non-believers here, give them a sign so they can see!!

So they can see you are the one and only way!

Please El Mon! Just One Sign!

:cheers:

#8 The Manwich

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 02:49 PM

El Mon,

Where did my plastic baby go?

#9 El Mon

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 08:37 PM

Dear 'El Mon',
I had serious gas on the plane ride home.

I sat next to Sigi Schmid's kindly papa on one side, and Manwich's new friend Jules on the other, so I held it in for the whole flight.
When I got to the terminal, I farted one continuous 120 second straight fart.

Did I do any permanent damage to my guts? I'm really scared, El Mon. What should I do?

Signed,
'Fartless in Seattle'


Hey Fartless in Seattle,


Unable to release your own natural gas due to an awkward social situation is a tough one. Holding it will not cause permanent gut damage. Next time feel free to walk into first class and let her rip. However, for future reference one should refrain from eating the 12 egg omelette before a flight. Hope this helps.


El Mon

#10 El Mon

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 08:42 PM

Dear El Mon,

I was having a hard time sleeping last night. The fact is that the date of December 12th, 2012 has been haunting my dreams, turning them into nightmare of post-apocalyptic visions and naked mayans threatening to scalp me and shear my balls off with rusty blades while Mel Gibson films it...

Should I be worried?

Sincerely,
"Quick to turn to Jesus!"


Quick to turn to Jesus,

You shouldn't worry and put your trust in the fact that JC has your back.

Posted Image

#11 -stagnant-

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 08:43 PM

Is this a racist LARS inside joke?
'There's sublime pleasure in displeasure'


#12 El Mon

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 08:57 PM

Dear El Mon,

Last night I indulged in a weekday beer and chicken enchiladas. The enchiladas were very good and the beer was cheap. My question is, I am now suffering from bad gas. These are not regular farts though, they seem to get stuck against my ass in some sort of fart bubble. I try to pop this fart bubble but it doesn't seem to be working and I am wondering if my coworkers can see this growing fart bubble. I'm at a loss as to what to do with this problem. WWEMD?


There is something about cheap beer and mexican food covered in cheese. El Mon has found himself in the same situation one too many times at the HDC after too many of these...

Posted Image


AND

Posted Image

Do not worry about the fart bubble it is not visble however I would suggest a trip to the restroom to relive yourself of some "excess weight". The private handicap restroom which is located to the left as soon as you walk in through the LARS entrance and past the the merchandise stand is perfect for this at the game. Hope this helps.

#13 El Mon

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 09:04 PM

Dear El Mon,

On a recent vacation of mine I spent the night with an individual of whom it was unexpected that I encountered and frolicked in her bed. So after a long heated night of sweat and beer, I woke up the next day with a hazy memory. It has been two days now and it hurts every time I pee. What is wrong with me? Can you help me?


Foose,

El Mon usually puts his trust in one of these...
Posted Image

However since it is a bit late for that now you must put your trust in this.
Posted Image

#14 El_Dude

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 09:05 PM

Dear El Mon,

Is jen really dead? And do you know how to crack a back?

Thanks,

El_dude!
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#15 El Mon

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 09:07 PM

Dear El Mon...

El Mon > Jesus?

Please help...


I would like to think that we both excel in our respective fields.




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