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horse porn? unlucky...


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#1 Sandinista

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Posted 30 May 2007 - 11:37 PM

link to the blog

"This woman was always a handful. About a year ago I setup a VNC server (lets her look at the screen of her son's computer from her laptop without him knowing). It's sneaky as shit, but since then she's managed to find out all his friends smoke weed and do meth. I wouldn't really care about the weed, but the kid is thirteen and it sounds like he has access to much worse narcotics, so I had no moral quandary about the arrangement. I also put a content blocker to block porn you can download from the internet, and drug/alcohol pages.

Anyway, I pulled up to her house she ran out and met me, regailing me with teenage horror stories. Apparently every person this kid knows is a) on myspace, b) a drug addict, and c) a total skank. She thinks they are all inter-related, I tend to agree. She asked me to just take a look and make sure that everything was looking ok on his computer. The catch was that she wanted him in the room with us while I was rooting around on his computer looking for porn.

Awkward much?

Why she insisted I be in there, I'm not sure. I guess she wanted me for moral support and to give justification to her actions if it came to that. After all I was the one who set this whole thing up, and even though I was getting paid I sort of felt obligated to help out.

I checked the log of websites he had visited. WWW.BANGBUS.COM struck my eye. I shuddered. She turned and glared at him.

"What's this Matthew? Bang Bus Dot Com huh? You went to this website?"
"Mom, fuck, why do we have to do this?"
"Tell my son why this stuff corrupts his mind and degrades women."

Then I thought of all the horrible, disgusting, mindfucking, degrading, scummy porn I had ever watched in my life, and karma laughed at me long and hard. I ended up giving a half-assed answer and made up some statistic about porn and kids who kill people or something. It was good enough I guess.

I deleted limewire at her command, which cant really be effectively blocked by a content filter on a mac. Then I saw it- the limewire shared folder. Oh, what horrors would lie within? I stealthfully trashed it, but I was caught. I played dumb and opened it up for her to see. Matthew, I saw, was cringing.

teens_rape_horse.avi
teen_lez_rape.avi
Teenrapebj.avi
horsecum.mpeg

I felt ill. Not because of the porn, but because of what I knew was going to happen next. After what seemed like ten minutes but was probably ten seconds, she said, plain as day,
"Son, why do you have horse rape porn on your computer?"

How the fuck are you supposed to respond to that?

"Open it up, I want to see it."

Oh please kill me. Can you imagine watching horse porn in front of a complete stranger who is paying you to be there?

I GOT PAID TO WATCH HORSE RAPE PORN.

And I'll never look at parenting the same again."

#2 Chicago4ever

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Posted 30 May 2007 - 11:54 PM

you know what. A movie just came out about some guy that fell in love with a horse and then died when he was getting fucked and I guess his colon was ripped apart or something (thank you Ebert & Roper :)+ )

I was just like, :huh: WTF?!?

maybe this kid saw this movie.
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The KNIGHTS are coming!

#3 Shanks

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 01:10 AM

Fuck, dude....

I mean...

FUCK.


wow

#4 theburden

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 07:17 AM

Was this in Indiana? Because Indiana is an awesome place.

#5 FireFanInPackerLand

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 09:51 AM

Wow. No comment.

#6 tzimaki

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 11:24 AM

This is the sort of occupational absurdity that Upton Sinclair would document if he were still alive today.

#7 ichigo

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 06:24 PM

This thread immediately brought Clerks 2 to my mind.


I wonder if suspending computer privliges ever occured to this mother?

#8 Tammy

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 07:01 PM

:o :huh: This reminds me of the sex shop scene in "Rude Boy".

#9 Joliet_Jerry

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 09:38 PM

Damn... :blink:

Sandinista, I give you credit for sticking it out. Paid or not, I'd have said fuck this and split...way too awkward for me. Not only that but this woman had to have some issues herself. Who'd make a stranger watch horse porn in front of her and her kid?
"And a gold doubloon if you get us there before nightfall" - Orson Welles

"You can't hit me with bullets that slow! I have reflexes 500 times faster than Mike Tyson!" - The Master of All Martial Arts

"It looks like a monster or something real big!" - George Lucas' dialogue

#10 BenBurton

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 10:02 PM

My mom was SO mad at me.

:unsure:

#11 Sandinista

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Posted 31 May 2007 - 10:54 PM

Damn... :blink:

Sandinista, I give you credit for sticking it out. Paid or not, I'd have said fuck this and split...way too awkward for me. Not only that but this woman had to have some issues herself. Who'd make a stranger watch horse porn in front of her and her kid?


:lol: - definitely wasn't me... i just found it on some guy's blog who is linked at the top of the post. might have been awkward as fuck but the man still had to get paid! plus look at this ultra cool story he gets to share.

#12 TheRedGrobar

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Posted 01 June 2007 - 12:17 AM

wow thats twisted, I as well thought it was your story, I'm thankful for your sake it wasn't.

#13 Slvgx

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Posted 02 June 2007 - 04:23 PM

geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

#14 Shanks

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Posted 05 June 2007 - 12:39 AM

This thread immediately brought Clerks 2 to my mind.

hahahahahahahaha

#15 Eiki

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Posted 10 June 2007 - 06:25 AM

wow, reminds me of this story of these two guys i know (i'll use fake names for this one).

so there's this kid we know, frank, and no one really liked him but we put up with him anyways. one day my friend, jim, was over at frank's place and as a joke decided to use limewire to download horseporn onto frank's computer while frank was in the bathroom or something. but when jim clicked on whatever the first search result was he was prompted with a message informing him that the file already existed on the computer...

:blink: AWKWARD :blink:




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