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Wall St. Journal - Soccer is Ruining America


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#1
Sherbchenko

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This is quite possibly one of the most ignorant articles I have ever read and I think we should write in to have some repercussions happen to this "overworked teacher" of philosophy and religion. His arguments don't even make sense.

http://online.wsj.co...1041299201.html

Soccer is running America into the ground, and there is very little anyone can do about it. Social critics have long observed that we live in a therapeutic society that treats young people as if they can do no wrong. Every kid is a winner, and nobody is ever left behind, no matter how many times they watch the ball going the other way. Whether the dumbing down of America or soccer came first is hard to say, but soccer is clearly an important means by which American energy, drive and competitiveness are being undermined to the point of no return.


What other game, to put it bluntly, is so boring to watch? (Bowling and golf come to mind, but the sound of crashing pins and the sight of the well-attired strolling on perfectly kept greens are at least inherently pleasurable activities.) The linear, two-dimensional action of soccer is like the rocking of a boat but without any storm and while the boat has not even left the dock. Think of two posses pursuing their prey in opposite directions without any bullets in their guns. Soccer is the fluoridation of the American sporting scene.

For those who think I jest, let me put forth four points, which is more points than most fans will see in a week of games—and more points than most soccer players have scored since their pee-wee days.

1) Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it. Indeed, soccer is a liberal's dream of tragedy: It creates an egalitarian playing field by rigorously enforcing a uniform disability. Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer. We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with his feet? When you are really angry and acting like an animal, you kick out with your feet. Only fools punch a wall with their hands. The Iraqi who threw his shoes at President Bush was following his primordial instincts. Showing someone your feet, or sticking your shoes in someone's face, is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Do kids ever say, "Trick or Treat, smell my hands"? Did Jesus wash his disciples' hands at the Last Supper? No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption. In all the portraits of God's wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low.

2) Sporting should be about breaking kids down before you start building them up. Take baseball, for example. When I was a kid, baseball was the most popular sport precisely because it was so demanding. Even its language was intimidating, with bases, bats, strikes and outs. Striding up to the plate gave each of us a chance to act like we were starring in a Western movie, and tapping the bat to the plate gave us our first experience with inventing self-indulgent personal rituals. The boy chosen to be the pitcher was inevitably the first kid on the team to reach puberty, and he threw a hard ball right at you.

Thus, you had to face the fear of disfigurement as well as the statistical probability of striking out. The spectacle of your failure was so public that it was like having all of your friends invited to your home to watch your dad forcing you to eat your vegetables. We also spent a lot of time in the outfield chanting, "Hey batter batter!" as if we were Buddhist monks on steroids. Our chanting was compensatory behavior, a way of making the time go by, which is surely why at soccer games today it is the parents who do all of the yelling.

3) Everyone knows that soccer is a foreign invasion, but few people know exactly what is wrong with that. More than having to do with its origin, soccer is a European sport because it is all about death and despair. Americans would never invent a sport where the better you get the less you score. Even the way most games end, in sudden death, suggests something of an old-fashioned duel. How could anyone enjoy a game where so much energy results in so little advantage, and which typically ends with a penalty kick out, as if it is the audience that needs to be put out of its misery? Shootouts are such an anticlimax to the game and are so unpredictable that the teams might as well flip a coin to see who wins—indeed, they might as well flip the coin before the game, and not play at all.

4) And then there is the question of sex. I know my daughter will kick me when she reads this, but soccer is a game for girls. Girls are too smart to waste an entire day playing baseball, and they do not have the bloodlust for football. Soccer penalizes shoving and burns countless calories, and the margins of victory are almost always too narrow to afford any gloating. As a display of nearly death-defying stamina, soccer mimics the paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth more than the masculine business of destroying your opponent with insurmountable power.

Let me conclude on a note of despair appropriate to my topic. There is no way to run away from soccer, if only because it is a sport all about running. It is as relentless as it is easy, and it is as tiring to play as it is tedious to watch. The real tragedy is that soccer is a foreign invasion, but it is not a plot to overthrow America. For those inclined toward paranoia, it would be easy to blame soccer's success on the political left, which, after all, worked for years to bring European decadence and despair to America. The left tried to make existentialism, Marxism, poststructuralism, and deconstructionism fashionable in order to weaken the clarity, pragmatism and drive of American culture. What the left could not accomplish through these intellectual fads, one might suspect, they are trying to accomplish through sport.

Yet this suspicion would be mistaken. Soccer is of foreign origin, that is certainly true, but its promotion and implementation are thoroughly domestic. Soccer is a self-inflicted wound. Americans have nobody to blame but themselves. Conservative suburban families, the backbone of America, have turned to soccer in droves. Baseball is too intimidating, football too brutal, and basketball takes too much time to develop the required skills. American parents in the past several decades are overworked and exhausted, but their children are overweight and neglected. Soccer is the perfect antidote to television and video games. It forces kids to run and run, and everyone can play their role, no matter how minor or irrelevant to the game. Soccer and television are the peanut butter and jelly of parenting.

I should know. I am an overworked teacher, with books to read and books to write, and before I put in a video for the kids to watch while I work in the evenings, they need to have spent some of their energy. Otherwise, they want to play with me! Last year all three of my kids were on three different soccer teams at the same time. My daughter is on a traveling team, and she is quite good. I had to sign a form that said, among other things, I would not do anything embarrassing to her or the team during the game. I told the coach I could not sign it. She was perplexed and worried. "Why not," she asked? "Are you one of those parents who yells at their kids? "Not at all," I replied, "I read books on the sidelines during the game, and this embarrasses my daughter to no end." That is my one way of protesting the rise of this pitiful sport. Nonetheless, I must say that my kids and I come home from a soccer game a very happy family.

Mr. Webb is a professor of religion and philosophy at Wabash College. His recent books include "American Providence" and "Taking Religion to School."

#2
betoAYAK

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Welcome to the American Right Wing Echo Chamber. Glorious in its unapologetic self-assured ignorance, isn't it?
You're a fucking monkey.
QUOTE (NittanyMetros @ Mar 17 2011, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It seems Philly fans have signed up on metrofanatic to vote for themselves (in 'What team do you hate more?') . No real fan of this team would vote anything other than DC.

#3
nlk10010

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As a teacher, I am embarrassed for my profession.

This is clearly a case of an individual with a particular point of view trying to rationalize it by writing an "article" devoid of supporting facts. Subjective constructs replace objective evidence in an effort to make himself feel better about himself.

#4
nlk10010

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Welcome to the American Right Wing Echo Chamber. Glorious in its unapologetic self-assured ignorance, isn't it?


What is an "American Right Wing Echo Chamber"?

Do you really want to advance what I suppose is a left-wing agenda using this article as evidence? Certainly you can find a more legitimate target, no? This would be equivalent to a conservative pointing out how useless and destructive the left-wing agenda is by pointing out the pathetic efforts of...well, no, I won't say it. Let's just try to keep politics out of this, OK, and agree to ignore this guy.

#5
gears

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Writer says soccer is not athletic. Writer says soccer is boring. Writer likes baseball. Hmm.

#6
nyrmetros

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He missed the boat 20 years ago. lol. Would have been a great article leading up to World Cup '94.

#7
acesfull86

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Haters gonna hate.

BTW, I hate when people compare sports to political philosophies. The funny thing is that teamwork is idolized when it comes to basketball, baseball, football, or hockey, but when it occurs in soccer, it's leftist commie nonsense (and I'm far, far from a leftie myself).

#8
magicmoron

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HAHAHAHA

Seriously, is this a joke?

"Everyone knows that soccer is a foreign invasion, but few people know exactly what is wrong with that. More than having to do with its origin, soccer is a European sport because it is all about death and despair."

Are these just random ideas and phrases thrown together?

#9
onionsack

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Obviously he and Mark Fishkin do not hang out at the water cooler over at the WSJ.

Honestly, the man as a writer and a professional should be utterly embarrassed at that article. Its as if somewhere a giant wormhole opened up and transported Dick Young back in time to mate with have a soccer hating baby with Jim Rome to advance the Ignorant Blowhard line if succession in New York City.



Thankfully i got to read it here without giving him the satisfaction of a web hit.

RED BULL OUT!!! - True Soccer fans in NY since 2006


#10
grillcheesy

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HAHAHAHA

Seriously, is this a joke?

"Everyone knows that soccer is a foreign invasion, but few people know exactly what is wrong with that. More than having to do with its origin, soccer is a European sport because it is all about death and despair."

Are these just random ideas and phrases thrown together?



So is the White Man! :cheers:

#11
Did I Do That?

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guys... it's troll bait.


Everyone flocked to the anti-soccer article they wrote last time so why not do it again?
  • What's stucco?

 

  • What happens when you step in bubblegummo.


 


#12
grillcheesy

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I have a feeling ths is the type of guy that teaches gay people how to be strait. <_<

#13
aTrayne

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This is quite possibly one of the most ignorant articles I have ever read and I think we should write in to have some repercussions happen to this "overworked teacher" of philosophy and religion. His arguments don't even make sense.

http://online.wsj.co...1041299201.html




nice job getting everyone worked up over an article that was written in 2009. :)+

if not for your accompanying tirade, I'd have said :troll: for sure. :lol:
RedBull gives you wings...and the wings given to the RBNY marketing/PR team were from a Dodo bird.

RedBull on our chests, Metro in our hearts

#14
SimonSays

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guys... it's troll bait.


Not even; it's satire: http://avoidingthedr...stephen-h-webb/ And it's three years old.

Apparently the OP reads /r/soccer but didn't bother to check the comments.
FORZA ROSSONERI

#15
JayJeeMoNee

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:blink:

Writer says soccer is not athletic. Writer says soccer is boring. Writer likes baseball. Hmm.

Touche.

Follow me and my RBNY fandom on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/JayJeeMoNee

 

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"In between soccer games this weekend, I played 36 holes of golf with my dad. Playing golf, I realized, is a bit like watching the Red Bulls play. Both can have the tendency to feel like self-inflicted torture. You wonder why you do it at all. But when it’s over, you can’t wait to do it again. To New England we go, then." - Andrew Keh

"In the Church they say that suffering is good for the soul. I like to view my love for this team as being a spiritual exercise." - Steve B2





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